It’s live! The new diary. Filled to the brim with the feeling of the world I want to live in. It’s also two months late, and I want to talk a bit about that because it’s late because I felt safe. Having the cover-page up on this site allowed me to breathe in a way I haven’t breathed for almost two years because I knew no one was reading my story. And I wanted to stay in those waters a little while. Because it reminded me of the sacredness of sharing myself with the world. And through that, the worth of my words. Feeling free showed me just how many people I had been supporting. In many ways, I’ve felt like a bird right before he takes off. When he flaps his wings to build up a bit of momentum; when he’s building up the courage to keep going…Read More
Where do I start? It’s been months! Two to be exact. And then a month between posts before that.
As someone with a bio that reads ‘I write for empaths’ I haven’t been doing my job. And for the first time I’ve been okay with that because my spirit knew I needed time inside my own heart.
I needed space to figure things out.
Because this work is hard.
And when you’re making moves in front of an audience it’s really easy to turn what you do into an art. A performance. And as lovely as it is to perform, I never want to be someone who puts on a show. I’m here to be real. I get nauseous if I can’t be myself.
So I stepped back to make sure the life I was building was a life that I want.
To sit here and write this took discipline.
A break from my feminine, where I have been,
Living the melodies that accompany the questioning of things.
Painting my days with the colours that make black and white reality.
Far from my usual drive to share what I was experiencing; choosing instead to slow into my own energy.
My own healing.
I let the diary fall away to chase butterflies.
And heal parts of me I didn’t know needed healing.
I'm supposed to be in Glastonbury, England but I'm not.
And it feels strange to write that in one simple sentence, because the decision to forgo the trip wasn't easy at all.
It was painful.
And nearly took me out.
Because for days I couldn't decide what I was supposed to do. And even bought three flights because I kept missing them as I went back and forth.
I had signs both ways; signs on why this trip was necessary and signs on why I shouldn't go.
Earth is as alive as you and I.
It is a conscious being, which is why it has a personal chakra system and grid lines.
And when we talk plant consciousness, we are talking this energy.
A steady, familiar energy similar to a loving mother who wants to support, care for and protect YOU.
As maternal energy, Earth jumps at the opportunity to care for her beings and one way it does this is through gifts like rocks and plants and other natural offerings, which all share in her steady energy and maintain a consciousness of their own.
The biggest trap people get into when wanting to manifest an intention is to believe there is a set of 'steps' they need to be following.
Visualizing this many minutes.
Saying this many affirmations.
Because there isn’t.
In fact, following a pre-set set of rules is the fastest way to limit your success, because the rigidity of a step-by-step blocks your inner voice; your intuition.
Though visualization and affirmation can be great tools to move energy in your favour, once you know what you want, you only need one other thing (well, two) to be successful, and that’s a deep connection to your intuition and the willingness to listen to what it is telling you you need to do.
If you've been reading along you know that at the beginning of 2018 I decided to change everything about what I was experiencing. I was tired. I was burnt out. I was hurting. I had been told many times throughout my life that the change I believed in for the world was idealistic, and that my heart was naive, because good people don’t succeed and life has a way of forcing us off track with our dreams. And when my heart needed a break last November I let those ‘truths’ get to me. I started to believe in what other people were saying.
I felt silly for having big dreams…
The first intuitive to ever read my energy told me to believe in myself and everything would change.
And it's true.
If you believe in what society tells you you need to do to be successful, you will only ever be successful the way it allows you to. But if you remember that this is a zero limit reality and believe in yourself and your ability to CHOOSE to be successful regardless of what you do and do not do by society's standards, you can manifest a life that's honest to who you are and what you're wanting.
Remembering that nothing ever changes by staying the same.
And this world will not change until us changemakers change by believing ourselves to success and using our success stories as pavement for a new way of being.
Making the decision to take this space (and my worth) seriously by integrating more of a Masculine side of me over the past few months has changed more than just the amount of income I make. I enjoy the money because I enjoy being free, but making a profit is so much more than money. The amount of focus, learning and self-honesty that had to happen to generate the income I am currently making is why my life is feeling beautiful these days. I set a goal and I reached it because I had the courage to unlearn what was taught to me and learn new skills to align with something more truthful in terms of who I am and what I want this world to be.
To answer your second question:
I don't feel overwhelmed because I came back to this space strategically. I created boundaries for everything. Going as far as taking wifi out of my apartment so I couldn't work from home. I needed a clear boundary between the world I share with the world and the world I keep for me. I also set boundaries in relation to who could and could not email me. I answer client e-mails and e-mails through the diary's Self-Care Community and if I don't get to all of them right away because I'm out enjoying my life, that's okay.