Last night I hit a wall.
Or more rather, collapsed into a puddle on the floor.
So I recorded it.
Incase you’re going through it too.
Cause learning this is what we signed up for.
Do you have them?
Do you know about them?
Thoughts on them?
Learning to set and enforce boundaries has been a bigggg part of my journey - and it was actually in the conversation where I learned I was an empath that the therapist asked me if I had them. I said no and she sent me home with a bundle of worksheets to begin implementing. The process seemed simple: decide what you do and do not want to experience and communicate it with those your decision will impact. But when I got out into the real world and began practicing what the worksheets were saying I realized very quickly that setting boundaries wasn’t easy.
Because boundaries require a hard no.
A line in the sand.
A decision on what I will and will not stand.
It’s a black and white process.
But I see the world as colourful.
I see why boundaries are important, but also why they put up walls or leave people out.
And I don’t like that.
I like to be accommodating. I don’t want to be mean. I’m filled with reasons for believing others have the best intentions and I don’t need protecting. But as I’ve learned, a yes to someone else is often a no to ourselves, especially when we are prone to over-giving. And that’s an important thing for those of us aware of having a calling to realize if we are to fulfill our mission.
Without them, we spend our days bending over backwards to meet people and their needs.
Or in relationships that aren’t fulfilling.
Because we like helping.
We can see the potential in something.
This world runs on give and take.
Ebb and flow.
Doing for others and having others do for you.
But for us empaths, it often looks like give until you break.
Or burn out.
Or get sick.
Because we are upper chakra beings (if you joined me for the free course I lead last week, you know what that means! If you didn’t, I’m running it again mid December. Here’s the link to join waitlist.) with big hearts that enjoy giving back and helping others. Which is a beautiful thing until it isn’t.
Over-giving leads to feeling drained and from a drained place, it’s impossible to create change.
The topic of receiving has been a big one for me this year.
I had to learn to receive payment for my expertise.
I had to learn to receive compliments and praise.
I had to learn to receive support and feedback from those who love me and those who have the knowledge I need to keep my business growing.
And it wasn’t easy because to me, giving was an addiction.
If you've been reading along you know that at the beginning of 2018 I decided to change everything about what I was experiencing. I was tired. I was burnt out. I was hurting. I had been told many times throughout my life that the change I believed in for the world was idealistic, and that my heart was naive, because good people don’t succeed and life has a way of forcing us off track with our dreams. And when my heart needed a break last November I let those ‘truths’ get to me. I started to believe in what other people were saying.
I felt silly for having big dreams…
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It's not like me to blog on Sundays and this wordsmith doesn't know where to start with her words. She just knows she needs to write them. So I guess I'll just start with: caring about the world can get really heavy sometimes. And I'm certain some of you might have noticed that energy in me. An energy of needing to walk away for a bit. First from Instagram, then from e-mails. An energy of getting laser-focused on what I need to do and letting the rest fall away.Read More