If you’re on Instagram, or part of personal development circles, you’ve probably heard about the ‘need to show up’ and if you’ve been following my work, you’ve probably heard me speak those words as well.
Because you do.
Earth is undergoing a major shift and it is our gifts and abilities that are creating the new systems we’ll live in. Systems and ways of being that can’t be birthed if we don’t first share our authentic selves with this world.
But as motivating as ‘showing up’ and ‘the world needs what you’ve got!’ can sound, speaking up and being who we really are isn’t always easy for healers and creatives because for centuries, “being ourselves” was not safe. For centuries, being ourselves meant burnt at the stake. (Witch trials.) And though this memory is unconscious, it keeps so many of us from leaving the spiritual closet and sharing ourselves. We want to follow our path and we want to share our work with those we are here to help but we feel held back because part of us remembers the last time we did and that part has vowed to never again feel what she felt the day she was killed off.
This fear is known as the persecution wound and it’s a wound that sits in our collective bones (and more specifically, the throat chakra of us as individuals) and because I’ve had to face and re-face it with my work, I wanted to write a post outlining the signs you might carry it too. Because your work to show up might require a bit more than a few motivational quotes, and if it does, I want you to know you aren’t alone in what you’re experiencing or going through.Read More
When it feels too much, remember it’s your presence on
this planet that lifts us up.
When it feels too much, remember you are more than enough.
Because without you, we can’t be us.
A planet remembering love.
When it feels too much, trust.
Things have a way of working out.
When it feels too much, know you aren’t alone.
You arrived with a team of guides to help you walk this planet home.
When it feels too much, rest your heart.
Ours beat in gratitude for your willingness to not give up.
I got an email last week asking if I was okay because I haven't been as present with my writing. My quick answer was “thank you for checking in on me! Lots happening behind the scenes. My courses, a new album (first track out tomorrow!) and lots of living!”
But beneath that has been a deeper shift.
Cause the truth is, beneath the ‘busy’ I’ve been questioning a lot of things, and a big one is if I’m still an empath.
The answer is, yes.
But for a moment I didn’t know, because I realized I don’t fit the 'list of traits' anymore.
I don’t forgo my own needs.
Or feel random bouts of unexplainable mental or physical fatigue.
Or experience mood swings.
Or do everything and anything for ANY other being.
That’s no longer part of my story.Read More
The fun thing about a partner in film is that he has a knack for capturing moments. Moments, like this. The sun was setting and I was in awe of a ‘life like this.’
And when I saw the image, I felt something shift.
The responsibility I've felt for eons lifted.
The end of a rope I decided to snip.
A rope to hardship.
I snipped it.
In favor of peace. And forgiveness.
And being happy. And flaunting it.
Over the past few years I've released myself from what was never a fit to my spirit. Like making myself small to ensure someone else didn’t feel triggered. Or putting off my calling because others didn’t ‘get it’.
I faced it.
My default to overgive.
And from it, gave myself permission to lift.
And I saw weightlessness in that image.
A feeling that brought me back to my journal and words I scribbled in it:
"Free yourself so you can free someone else."
I wrote them in 2017 and at the time they didn’t make sense.
I actually thought it was the other way around and that those words were selfish. “Put myself first? How does that help the planet?”Read More
A lot has changed since I last sat in a cafe and wrote in this space.
Like, overcoming my fear of flying, finding love unexpectedly, moving to a new city and helping another group of empaths learn to sell their offering - authentically.
Then came the migraines.
The nights of talking about what needed to shift, but not knowing ‘what that is’. All I knew was that I was tired. Really, really tired. (Sleeping 11, 12, 13 hours and losing motivation at a very quick rate.) So I pulled in my energy and paid attention to what my symptoms were saying, because they were speaking loudly and I knew I needed to listen.
The main message:
I’m tired of the responsibility I’ve been carrying. I’m tired of spending so much of my valuable time ‘learning’ other people’s lessons and trying to protect others from what they do not want to see, feel or experience. I’m tired of censoring myself in fear of the backlash from those not yet conscious to their triggers.
I’m tired of carrying the unconscious;
Those sleeping while I’m awake working. Hard. For centuries.
Cause that’s what so much of my life is these days.
That how I’ve been spending my days:
Tiptoeing in fear of unsteadying somebody. Or making someone THINK differently.
(A big, big risk, because if they don’t like it, I have to deal with their feelings, which has long been my responsibility.)
I’ve been moving through my days in fear of the emotions I’ll feel for another if they are not happy with something I say, knowing it’s me who will have to deal with their pain if they don’t like my ways. Because I’m good at it; at feeling feelings that is. I was made sensitive and am designed to please. If you’re not happy, I feel it within me, so much that I think the issue IS me. When you’re in my energy I become what you need.
*This post first appeared in 2018 but has since been edited.
The past few months have been months of radical transformation.
The things I could only dream last December are manifesting. It's surreal. Eerie, really. Especially as I sit here in the library I sat in often when life felt overwhelming... and I felt defeated in my mission.
If you've taken any of my more recent workshops I've spoken openly about how the end of 2017 was difficult on me. I had a vision for who I wanted to be and big plans for what this space might be, but gave my power away to fate and forgot my duty to co-create my reality. I understood the Law of Attraction... and even wrote a book on the theories of manifestation, but theory is just theory without application.
So I crashed and burned; physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.
In a very public way.
It was embarrassing, yet common for us Healers/Feelers/Empaths/Intuitive Beings.
Because we are so driven to create freedom based lives and fulfill our purpose that we abandon conventionality and dive headfirst into service, armed only with the theory of what it takes to create a happy reality... forgetting that success requires we face reality.
I was on Pinterest the other day and noticed a quote with my name on it circulating the platform. I didn’t recognize it and thought perhaps someone created it based on a piece of my content. Turns out, I DID make it but forgot about it because it was from one of my first posts. Seeing it threw me down a tunnel of nostalgia and remembering all the feelings I felt when I decided to take a risk on myself and start writing on this blog I now call the diary.
At the time I had just graduated from social work, excited to have the degree and to be part of such an admiral profession, but also deeply aware that being a traditional social worker wasn’t my purpose. I’ve known since I was an infant that I came here with a mission - and a 9 to 5 didn’t feel like it. In fact, a 9 to 5 felt conflicting. Limiting. And not what I was here to be doing. So on the prompting of an ex boyfriend I started writing.
And though he was wonderful in getting me started, I don’t give him all the credit.
Because getting to this point took overcoming so many limiting beliefs that were deeply programmed into my psyche. Beliefs I had to show up to fight against each and every day for the first few months of showing up for my purpose. And since I know another wave of healers and creatives are now being prompted to show up, I want to share three of the biggest myths incase you too are struggling.
It’s Valentine’s Day and I woke up so happy for all the love in the air. The air is buzzing and I can feel it because I’m a match for it, which wasn’t always my reality. For years Valentines Day felt like expectation. For myself and the men I was dating. It felt like judgement, around capitalism and “all the ways holidays are used for profit”. It felt like comparison, especially when it came to my relationships and how we were and were not comparing to others. Or worse, comparing myself to those in relationships if I wasn’t in one.
But this year?
This year is different.
I feel love and nothing but it.
It’s a safe feeling.
And from within.
Not manufactured. Not outsourced. It’s not something someone gave me wrapped in a box or sitting in a vase. (Though I love gifts and flowers are my weakness.) It’s something I feel.