How to have hope in hard times
It's not like me to blog on Sundays and this wordsmith doesn't know where to start with her words. She just knows she needs to write them. So I guess I'll just start with: caring about the world can get really heavy sometimes.
And I'm certain some of you might have noticed that energy in me.
An energy of needing to walk away for a bit.
First from Instagram, then from e-mails.
An energy of getting lazor-focused on what I need to do and letting the rest fall away.
Over the past month we've had two suicides in the diary's community. Two beautiful, beautiful souls who just couldn't handle the pain and uncertainty of this world anymore. Two gifted healers who were tired of not fitting in and tired of feeling inadequate because of their craft. Two spirits broken by the hate, fear and cruelty of this planet.
Two e-mails that landed in my inbox from family members alerting me to what happened and pulling my heartstrings so hard that for a moment I couldn't breathe. Because I knew those souls, I had conversations with them. I saw their heart. And I knew how they struggled to fit in, wishing so much for the world to wake up and for us to finally start caring for one another.
I thought about putting a trigger warning on this message but I decided if you're on my site and you're reading my work I need you to be okay talking about suicide, because suicide is very much part of the empath conversation. Because like anything, there are beautiful parts of being intuitive, and parts that are really dark. Being an empath has been romanticized and 'intuitive ability' fluffed up by the self-help world but reality is, being sensitive is incredibly hard.
There is nothing romantic about it.
You aren't understood.
Things affect you differently.
People pressure you to get it together.
But you can't, and no one really takes you and your needs seriously.
And instead say you take life too seriously.
Because they just don't get it.
Because they never had to live it.
One of the women who died by suicide told me her depression started in November after the American election and though she had beautiful dreams of being a women's rights activist she found herself unable to get out of bed with all of the political unrest. To most, the American election was challenging, but to her the impact of the election affected her sensitive system so much that she couldn't keep on.
And she's not alone.
Sensitive hearts feel things so deeply.
And I know this because there was a time where I was ready to leave this world too.
Thankfully I met an intuitive who made me realize my abilities and why I signed up for a difficult life, and I was able to gain perspective, surround myself with the right support and get healthy. And these days I am so incredibly grateful for every moment I get to spend on this planet.
My days aren't always easy, though.
Just last week I sat at the bottom of my shower crying.
Because the world is in chaos.
And I can't help but feel it.
But this life is good and I know I incarnated to make it better.
We all did.
And part of that requires I feel things deeply.
I often think back to my lowest moment and it overwhelms me to think of everything I've experienced because I made the decision to stay; the people I've met, the hearts I've loved, the music I've discovered, the trips I've taken, the lessons I've learned, the meals I've eaten, the puppies I've cuddled, the purpose I've stepped into, the friends I've made, the animals I've saved, the cozy moments I've sat at this computer writing.
One of the questions I often get through this site is, "will I ever be happy?" and it hurts my heart because I know there are so many out there who genuinely fear not being able to experience happiness because of how aware they are to the pain of this world. And I get it. The world can get so heavy. Especially now - there is a lot going on energetically and it's causing a lot of distress. In personal lives and on the collective of this world as a whole.
If you're feeling this life is getting heavy I want you to have faith.
I want you to remember there is always light.
There is always someone out there who wants to listen.
Someone who wants to invite you in, cook you a meal, pay a bill, hear your story, look after your basics, hold space do you can just breathe. There are so many light workers intentionally scattered across this planet ready to rise up if you need them.
Because we need you.
Change is a group effort.
It's a team sport.
And we are all in this together.
Life gets hard. There is a lot of shit happening on this planet.
And as an intuitive you are very aware of it.
Even when others can seem to just ignore.
But never forget the breakdown always comes before the breakthrough. And it's when we feel the most low that we are about to be catapulted forward in the most beautiful ways.
And it's always when we feel low that we are being asked to show up for a lesson, a lesson that's a gateway to something even better.
Feeling suicidal and wanting to walk away from it all does not make you weak.
It means you are incredibly strong.
That you have wisdom.
And that you are here for a reason.
A really important reason.
When you have a big heart, there is more space for it to hurt.
And when you aren't understood and when you have to deal with that hurt on your own, it can feel impossible to overcome. But I'm writing this post to remind you that nothing is impossible and EVERYTHING can be overcome.
If you are feeling weighed down by this world, I see you.
I know your heart and I know how hard it sometimes feels you have to work to just keep going.
I also know you came here to heal.
And healers don't heal when things are easy.
Healers show up when things are really hard.
They take the pain of this world seriously because someone has to. They have to be awake and aware and have a really in-depth understanding of what's going on. And that causes them a lot of pain, pain that can take over, pain that others try to categorize or downplay when they can't understand, pain that can make living unbearable.
And so my call to action for all the sensitive hearts is to remember that you are not alone.
You are never alone.
We are going through transition and the world is going to remain heavy for some time so please remember, many hands make light work. You don't have to take the pain of this world on on your own. You're going to feel it and it's going to hurt. But there is a community of thousands just like you and there's not one of us who would hesitate to hold space for you if ever you needed space held.
What's coming to our planet is worth staying around for.
I ask you to have the courage to believe that to be true.
Tonight I'm sending love to the families grieving loss.
And tomorrow we continue the conversation.
Remembering that each new day is a chance to start again.