What to Do When He Leaves Unexpectedly?
Q. Hi Robin, my partner recently abandoned me without any cause. He just left, sent a text message and I have not heard from him since. We were very close but I know I compromised my feelings and needs to please him. He made me feel very anxious and insecure but I thought of him as my best friend and person in life. I feel absolutely devastated and broken. I feel this break up did not give me any closure and has triggered a lot of self-hate and blame on myself, even though I know I did everything I could to please him. I feel heartbroken and am having a hard time getting up in the morning. Being in social work I am naturally needing to serve others but I feel I am empty and it's not only affecting me personally and how I feel about myself, but it is affecting my school and work.
How do I grieve this? How do I find that love again for myself and for the world? How do I find that magical spark that I once had? I used to wake up excited about life, school, nature, work and the potential opportunities that lay a head. I now feel like I am in survival mode trying to get through each hour. How do I move forward?
A. First, my heart goes out to you. It really, truly does. A similar thing happened to me and I see so much of myself in you. When it happened I almost didn't go back to school. I just couldn't find joy in anything. A few years later and I'm SO GRATEFUL for our breakup.
Not because I'm happy I lost him, but because as cliche as it sounds, I found myself.
So the first thing I want to say is I get you.
I get it. I've been there. Right where you are, in that moment of complete devastation with no idea how to move forward or if you even can move forward, wondering what just happened. In that moment of shock where nothing makes sense, replaying it all in your head, trying to figure out where you went wrong and what you could have been done differently, and I just want you to know that someday, in hindsight, this is all going to make sense. Someone choosing to leave your life happens for you, not to you. Space has been created for something new to take his place, maybe a new and improved relationship with a more mature you and him, maybe something else entirely, but I know how much it hurts, especially where you're expected to get up every day and be of service to others, and so I know it's not easy to see opportunity where you feel despair.
So just trust something will come from this and that that something will be so great that you'll be thankful to this experience for breaking you, to him for creating space for you, and to you for having the courage to create something beautiful from it.
The person who broke my heart is one of my favourite people in this entire world because he cracked me open. He walked away (suddenly and unexpectedly) and gave me space to grow into who I am. If he hadn't, I wouldn't be here writing this answer for you.
That said, I know how much it hurts.
You move forward by making the choice to put one foot in front of the other and knowing that your healing is going to come in waves. Some days you're going to feel like you've got it, some days you're going to feel like you don't. The excitement for life will come back and then it will leave. Again and again and again until your heart heals.
Now, every part of your Q has me thinking you are most definitely an empath and so I want you to take the energy of the situation seriously, because chances are you aren't just dealing with your heartbreak, you might be dealing with some of his too. Learn to clear, ground, shield and ask the non-physical to clear any cords you might have to the situation. When you think of him and worry if he's okay (which you will) turn your focus onto your life and what YOU are needing. It won't come naturally to you so you have to make it intentional.
And always remember to breathe.
In any moment you can calm your entire nervous system with a deep inhale (stomach out) and a long exhale (stomach back in) - use this when you need to.
We are the creators of our experience, so this can be a space in which the future seems uncertain, or a space in which you get to choose what happens next. Learn about the law of attraction, read up on people who went through breakups and came out the other side empowered, make vision boards, dream about a life you want to live, think about travelling internationally (so many social work jobs abroad!), focus on loving those right in front of you who choose every single day to stay.
It doesn't feel like it, but there is so much beauty around you. So many things to be grateful for. So many people and beings to love. Make it your mission to find them. This is SUCH a colourful world, there is so much to learn and explore. So many people to meet, so much to do with your precious time being alive.
Let yourself be devastated but never lose hope that things get better, because they do.
He wouldn't have been pulled from your life if you (and him!) weren't meant for more.
Sending you both so much love as you find your way through this.
P.S., Here are some tips for letting go.