Empaths & Boundary Setting
Do you have them?
Do you know about them?
Thoughts on them?
Learning to set and enforce boundaries has been a bigggg part of my journey - and it was actually in the conversation where I learned I was an empath that the therapist asked me if I had them. I said no and she sent me home with a bundle of worksheets to begin implementing. The process seemed simple: decide what you do and do not want to experience and communicate it with those your decision will impact. But when I got out into the real world and began practicing what the worksheets were saying I realized very quickly that setting boundaries wasn’t easy.
Because boundaries require a hard no.
A line in the sand.
A decision on what I will and will not stand.
It’s a black and white process.
But I see the world as colourful.
I see why boundaries are important, but also why they put up walls or leave people out.
And I don’t like that.
I like to be accommodating. I don’t want to be mean. I’m filled with reasons for believing others have the best intentions and I don’t need protecting. But as I’ve learned, a yes to someone else is often a no to ourselves, especially when we are prone to over-giving. And that’s an important thing for those of us aware of having a calling to realize if we are to fulfill our mission.
Without them, we spend our days bending over backwards to meet people and their needs.
Or in relationships that aren’t fulfilling.
Because we like helping.
We can see the potential in something.
And this keeps us from what WE are wanting; be it to build a business, start a non-profit, or be a really good parent.
Because we stay accommodating others and helping them through things.
For me this looked a lot like helping strangers through email rather than working on my business model, running errands for family rather than spending time in my journal and charging way less than I deserved because I put myself in another’s shoes and worried about how they would find the funds to pay me. Or more recently, staying a bit too long in a partnership that made me feel as if I had to quiet the passionate side of me.
I wanted to help.
I saw potential.
I have genuine love for the person.
But I wasn’t happy or growing because I was allowing myself to be less than the person/people/group I was serving.
So I set boundaries.
I decided what I would and would not tolerate and acted on my consequences.
(A process I’m going to walk you through below!)
I put a contact form on my website that I only check every few days so I am no longer tempted by emails. I started tracking how much of my day went to running another’s errands and started easing myself of some of the responsibility by learning to say “no, I can’t right now.” I worked on my self-esteem and put a fee on my time and created a bunch of free resources for those who couldn’t afford to work with me. And I left the partnership when I realized it wasn’t meeting my needs no matter how much I was communicating.
Really, really challenging.
But it is freeing and that’s important because I have big work to do and I can’t do it if I am not putting a worth on my love, expertise and schedule.
And I know you are the same.
I know you have something pulling at you; an area of life where you aren’t putting yourself first. An area that’s troubling you because you know something has to change because you too are giving at the cost of your potential.
To help I created a free resource for you.
A resource that won’t just help you set boundaries, but will also help you carry them out in the real world too.
It’s the exact step-by-step process I keep on my desk and use to set and enforce boundaries daily.
And it’s free!
For you, from me.
Here’s the direct link.
Let me know over on Instagram what you think. :)