Healing in real time—My second postpartum
Four months ago we welcomed our second little boy — a spring-time baby 🌷 with the sweetest smile. I struggled massively in postpartum with our first and this time around was determined to have a better experience. While I’m still in the early days of being a mom to 2, I’m already noticing how different this postpartum period feels and wanted to share some of the things I’m doing to better navigate this new phase in our life. None of this is overly complicated, it’s actually quite simple. But reality is, when you bring home a new baby, one of the easiest things to do is neglect yourself, especially as someone who is hardwired to put their needs below everything else.
Realistic Nutrition Goals
During my first pregnancy I learned a lot about how our nutritional needs change in pregnancy and as a new mom, but what I didn’t anticipate was how difficult it would be to find the energy and motivation to feed myself, let alone to make sure I was getting the right nutrients to breastfeed and recover from pregnancy and birth. The idealized image of making smoothies and prepping meals was quickly replaced by the demands of having a newborn and the lack of energy that I had.
Knowing this, I decided to set more realistic nutritional goals. The first was to continue taking a high quality prenatal and supplementing with iron. I put the prenatal by my bed and continued to take it every night before I went to sleep. I even asked my partner to set alarms to remind me to take iron throughout the day. I also prioritized electrolytes. There's something deeply nourishing about a water bottle filled with fresh water, ice, and a packet of electrolytes. I love Organica’s Pink Lemonade.
What I realized in my first postpartum is that when I did eat, I was eating snacks, not meals. So another shift I’ve made is to ask myself, how can I make the snacks I naturally reach for a bit more nutritious? For me it was adding hemp seeds to my bagel + peanut butter or getting a higher quality yogurt as that’s something I reach for a lot.
actually caring about what i wore
In postpartum, it’s easy to wear whatever is most accessible and comfortable, especially knowing that you’ll be spit up on, leak, and likely not leave the house much.
But what I know to be true is that what you wear deeply impacts how you feel about yourself and how you show up in the world. It’s why getting clear on what clothing your ‘next self’ wears and dressing like her is such a powerful manifestation tool.
One of the ways I prepped to bring our new baby home was by cleaning up my closet and distilling it down to be what I called an “elevated version of postpartum comfort”. This looks different for everyone – perhaps it’s soft, well-fitting pieces that still feel nice. But the process of taking time to prepare my closet ahead of time made a world of difference. Simply getting dressed most mornings has been such a small, yet powerful, way to tell myself that I matter.
Cleaning as Regulation
This one is more niche, but when things feel out of control, I regain my sense of control by cleaning and organizing my physical space. As a moon in the 6th house, I know this about myself. I remember taking out the steam cleaner at 2 AM and deep cleaning the laundry room the night my firstborn came home from the hospital. Cleaning helps me regulate, so part of preparing for this second postpartum period was stocking up on cleaning products I enjoy using (for me it’s Mrs. Meyer’s Lemon Verbena line — I know, I know, it’s not as clean as they claim to be, but for me, the smell is soothing) and investing in quality sponges and microcloths.
Plan for work
With my first, I was naive in believing that I could continue to work at the pace I was working prior to bringing home a new baby. Because I had a business and could work from home, I believed I could just work around the baby’s schedule. What I didn’t factor in was that babies don’t really have a schedule, and that breastfeeding and caring for a newborn was an all-demanding role that required a lot of physical, mental, and emotional energy. Equally, I hadn't fully grasped the profound impact pregnancy and childbirth would have on my mental health and sense of self.
This time around, I am being more realistic with myself. I returned to a slower-paced job, in nature, part-time as a way to get out of the house, have purpose, and be paid to replenish myself. I’ve also been honest about the underlying belief systems that cause me to self-abandon and find it difficult to prioritize myself in motherhood.
Read: Finding My Way Back: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Motherhood
Respect my sensitivity
Something I didn’t anticipate with my first postpartum period was how dysregulated my nervous system would become. I knew I would be running on little sleep, but I didn’t know how disorienting the experience of becoming a new (or new-again) mom really is. Not only is it a major identity shift, but you’re navigating it without the time, energy, or even physical capacity to maintain the habits and practices that keep you grounded and regulated. For me, this showed up as intense vertigo that landed me in the emergency room.
During my second postpartum period, I made sure to carve out time to regulate. I didn’t do it perfectly, but I did it. At first, it was through nutrition and making my bedroom a safe, low-stimulus place to sleep. I knew I wouldn’t get a lot of sleep, so I was determined to make the sleep I did get as restorative as possible. After recovery, it was physically leaving the house and connecting with nature. Something that helped immensely were the daily DIs on the To Be Magnetic app. I was doing the two-inhale and long exhale breath as well as the tonal “voooo” all the time, still do. I’ve taught my partner this practice as well.
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My sisters gave me a mother-baby oracle deck. I pulled from it nightly to remind myself of how strong new moms really are.
Mindset shift
A final thing that made this postpartum period more enjoyable was reclaiming my power in it. Coming out of three years of pregnancy and postpartum, my life feels overwhelming to say the least. I feel behind physically, creatively, financially, and within the home. But a decision I made was to not allow the external world to steal these most precious moments of my life.
I kept reminding myself that my little one won’t be this little for long, not as a way to bypass responsibilities but as a way to find presence. When I felt I should be doing something productive, I’d stop, look at his sweet face, and remind myself that tomorrow he won’t look the same. He’ll be bigger, more alert. With my first, I saw the quiet moments as “unproductive” and my baby as a burden keeping me from everything else. This time, I know that I’ll blink and he’ll be a toddler, and so I am going to slow down. The shift from burden to blessing has been the most beautiful gift I could give myself.