It’s Valentine’s Day and I woke up so happy for all the love in the air. The air is buzzing and I can feel it because I’m a match for it, which wasn’t always my reality. For years Valentines Day felt like expectation. For myself and the men I was dating. It felt like judgement, around capitalism and “all the ways holidays are used for profit”. It felt like comparison, especially when it came to my relationships and how we were and were not comparing to others. Or worse, comparing myself to those in relationships if I wasn’t in one.
But this year?
This year is different.
I feel love and nothing but it.
It’s a safe feeling.
It’s genuine.
And from within.
Not manufactured. Not outsourced. It’s not something someone gave me wrapped in a box or sitting in a vase. (Though I love gifts and flowers are my weakness.) It’s something I feel.
It’s been years now. Years of not feeling like myself. Years of doubting my decisions and what I want to create + put out. Taking one step and then losing my sense of momentum. Having a morning of inspiration and feeling flat again by the afternoon. Writing helps, but I haven’t been doing it.