when you feel like giving up on your dreams: a letter for visionaries
The past few months have been months of radical transformation.
The things I could only dream last December are manifesting. It's surreal. Eerie, really. Especially as I sit here in the library I sat in often when life felt overwhelming... and I felt defeated in my mission.
If you've taken any of my more recent workshops I've spoken openly about how the end of 2017 was difficult on me. I had a vision for who I wanted to be and big plans for what this space might be, but gave my power away to fate and forgot my duty to co-create my reality. I understood the Law of Attraction... and even wrote a short ebook on the theories of manifestation, but:
theory is just theory without application.
So I crashed and burned; physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.
In a very public way.
It was embarrassing, yet common for us healers/feelers/empaths/intuitive/heart-centered beings.
Because we are so driven to create freedom based lives and fulfill our purpose that we abandon conventionality and dive headfirst into service, armed only with the theory of what it takes to create a happy reality... forgetting that success requires we face reality.
We forget that living your purpose is so much more than waking up happy everyday...
And want to jump past the parts that make it tricky.
Like the messy conversations that happen as you learn to set and enforce boundaries... and the rejection you receive by those who don't get you and those you love immensely.
We forget that giving from an empty cup is less about how much we love others and more about the lack of love we have for ourselves. That being authentic is real and important, but requires strategy when navigating a world that isn't awake or ready. That self-accountability is required to let go of the past, mend our power leaks and catch ourselves in victim-thinking so we don't misinterpret lessons as obstacles or project our wounding onto those put on our path to move us deeper into calling.
We forget that we don't know everything, and that there is purpose in everything... especially the seemingly small, tedious tasks that have less to do with changing the planet and more to do with living on this planet. Like eating, sleeping and paying for things.
That challenging our flow state, our scatteredness, our lack of clarity is a necessity of showing up consistently. Because inspiration just plants seeds that discipline nurtures into being.
That not talking about the hardships that come with chasing dreams is harmful to those we are serving.
And this burns us and makes it hard to keep going.
Since returning to my site in late January I've launched a popular journaling course, “booked out” my 1:1 coaching, partnered with an Aromatherapist and self-funded an essential oil line, hired two business coaches, brought on help with my growing business and fell in love with sales, strategy and the creativity that comes with being an entrepreneur. And over the next two months I'll be travelling to Glastonbury, England (Avalon) to reconnect with my ancient past and rebranding my work with the help of an incredible graphic designer.
(Related: Are you an empath in business, or an empath thinking about business? Join me! I’m teaching you how to package your gifts, abilities and skillset into an offering to sell it in a way that feels authentic.)
Life has changed drastically; but only because I decided to change things.
Not externally, but within me.
Things changed because I realized I couldn't keep avoiding reality.
Things change because I realized I couldn't keep blaming other people or fate or society.
My life changed because I took control, command, and decided that my mission was important and that I would face myself and change what needed changing.
Because things weren't working, no matter how much I was wishing they could be.
It's not all wonderful.
And I want to be clear on that, because finding and living your purpose has become a cliche and there are many out there endorsing a dream and dying behind the scenes, and that's not healthy... not for those endorsing and not for those following.
Living out your calling is really challenging.
(Related: I share my ‘finding and living my life purpose’ story in this workshop talking honestly about what it takes to leap and follow your heart to create a life based on what you’re passionate about.
Things are good and I'm flourishing, but somedays I wish I could hide under a rock and not be an open target to those in need of healing.
That I could be less serious about this path I'm paving.
That I could carry those who aren't up-levelling alongside me, rather than be strict in my boundaries about who I can and cannot serve with my energy.
That I could have more space for friends and family.
That I could buy myself new things and not reinvest everything in my vision.
That I could know what it feels like to be normal; to follow the paths those around me are following. Jobs, marriage, babies. And not be out here on the leading edge of the future we're creating.
That I could just enjoy life and not get bulldozed by the lessons I'm learning to teach this community.
That I could be a twenty-something and not feel such responsibility for a demographic with such heavy needs.
That I didn't have to worry about my safety.
That I wasn't so deeply committed to something others can't see.
Yet, I'm thankful.
In awe of my spirit for choosing this path and in awe of the less conscious part of me for being open to the journey.
It hasn't been easy and it won't be, that's reality, but I'm honoured to wake up and work towards something that seems to be impacting many. Especially when that work is challenging and it involves facing the more stubborn parts of me.
As I write this, we are in the middle of solstice energy.
It's a check-in point.
A moment to take inventory on what still requires Mastery.
A time to celebrate our accomplishments but remain humble to what needs fine-tuning. An opportunity to say, "this isn't working" and open ourselves up to a new way of being.
For many of you reading, this inventory will involve the Masculine Energy.
The parts of you that are still resisting reality.
That parts of you that are stubborn to what living your purpose really means.
The parts of you forgetting that being an intuitive/healer/feeler/empath is only one part of your journey and that changes are required for you to step into who your spirit is wanting you to be.
Solstice energy isn’t easy because it shows us where we are unbalanced and what needs changing. Its energies can be tough, but sometimes that's most loving.
Sending you love and strength and the courage to keep going.
If this article inspired you, I’m taking this conversation much further over the next six weeks. If you’re drawn, here’s the link to learn more.
*This post first appeared in 2018 but has since been edited.