"free yourself, so you can free someone else"
The fun thing about a partner in film is that he has a knack for capturing moments. Quiet ones, like this. The sun was setting and we were sitting on top of a hill watching it. I was actually crying tears in awe of a ‘life like this.’
And when he showed me the image, I felt something shift.
The responsibility I've felt for eons lifted.
The end of a rope I decided to snip.
A rope to hardship.
I snipped it.
In favor of peace. And forgiveness.
And being happy. And flaunting it.
Over the past few years I've released myself from what was never a fit to my spirit. Like making myself small to ensure someone else didn’t feel triggered. Or putting off my calling because others didn’t ‘get it’.
I faced it.
My default to overgive.
And from it, gave myself permission to lift.
And I saw weightlessness in that image.
A feeling that brought me back to my journal and words I scribbled in it:
"Free yourself so you can free someone else."
I wrote them in 2017 and at the time they didn’t make sense.
I actually thought it was the other way around and that those words were selfish. “Put myself first? How does that help the planet?”
I was a social worker and believed I had to limit myself to make an impact. I thought I had to go without to be helpful. "Good people don't care about money" was a narrative that sat deep within me; I thought having dreams made me greedy. I thought happiness wasn't for me. And if it was, it had to be the 'small things'. I believed settling was spiritual and that it was wrong to want more. "Life purpose? Sounds privileged. Most of us just go to work." I was scared to admit I had a mission, and got really good at downplaying my ambition. At the time I believed serving meant martyrdom; and that I was doing a good thing by running myself so dry I couldn't buy groceries; at my worse I showed up to calls with people I was helping (for free) without eating for 2 days.
"Them before me. It's wrong to receive."
Thankfully that changed.
I hit a rockbottom that forced me into true responsibility. No more blaming, externalizing. Or false accountability. I had to relearn everything - and stop listening to those who were projecting their own insecurities.
Because the stories I was telling myself weren’t helping anybody, only disempowering myself and those I claimed to be serving.
I came for a revolution;
To see change.
To disrupt things.
Not to watch us change-makers circling.
These days things look much different. I found tools. I made moves. And learned that my success IS how I help someone else.
I turned the focus within and focused on my own growth. My own next-level. I chose to go first. To break ground and show others what's possible.
Because this world doesn’t shift until we do.
To suffer was an illusion we all fell for.
And we are the ones we are waiting for.
Which is why we have dreams and goals.
It's those dreams and goals that birth this new world.
It's our happiness that moves us all forward.
Next week I’m opening up my popular journaling course. I created it to ‘be who I needed’ when I realized I wasn’t living the life I came to experience because of old stories, wounds and fears like “money isn’t spiritual” and “what will other people think?” Together we get you setup with a toolkit that helps you finally put yourself first; a toolkit you’ll need if you’re serious about your purpose.
It’s big work and it’s important work, and it would be an honour to have you join us. You can get yourself on the waitlist at this link. Doors open July 18th!