Tips for being your authentic self
Happy Full Moon!
(And since the sun in this photo is just too beautiful not to share, happy sunrise too!)
Last night's full moon was in Aquarius, the sign that's all about being who you really are - and more specifically, how being who you really are can help support a new world and better future - and since authentically is something I advocate for each and every day, I wanted to write a post to address some of the fears keeping most of us from being our true selves. What's inauthentic can no longer survive, but that doesn't mean creating a life that feels authentic is easy; it takes real guts and a lot of critical thinking to overcome the fears that get in the way.
WHY AUTHENTICITY IS IMPORTANT
This post was inspired by an e-mail I received Sunday night from someone thanking me for saving their life. The e-mail hit me in the heart because it came just as I was starting to feel doubtful of my vision and wondering if my work even mattered. I'm not shy about the amount of doubt that comes with following your heart and I'm not shy about admitting that Sunday was filled with lots of it.
> Related post: 11 Things to Consider if You're Looking For Your Life Purpose
On Sunday I just wanted to be normal.
I was feeling lonely in my work and wishing I could live a normal life; a life with a "normal" job, and a "normal" routine, on a "normal" timeline with lots of "normal" things, and the e-mail made me stop and remember why I'm so glad I'm not. While normal sounds appealing at times, it wouldn't be appealing long-term because I'm not normal; parts of me are, sure, but overall I'm here to be a bit strange; to have tough conversations, to shake things up, to own my abnormal to make my abnormal normal and create a safe space for those just as weird.
Sunday's strive for normal isn't anything new.
It's actually really familiar because I only stopped chasing normal and started allowing myself to be myself a few years ago. Learning to celebrate who I am rather than wish I was different didn't come naturally and I had to let go of a lot of things (people, places, beliefs, ideas) to get to where I am today, but it was worth it; receiving that e-mail on Sunday night alone makes it worth it. Being authentic is something we all struggle with at times, but it's important we be it because we are who we are for a reason, and that reason usually involves making life easier for other people.
Below are six fears I've had to overcome on my journey to being fully me. If you know you aren't being your truest self or living your most authentic life, and you're ready to bust through some of the common blocks to finally show up as who you really are, the thoughts shared in this post might help you. If you don't know if you're being your true self or not, make sure you snag a copy of the workbook below to support you in figuring it out.
> Related post: How I Found My Purpose
WHEN YOU FEEL FEARFUL OF BEING YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF:
1. Know that you create your reality.
A big part of me being authentically me is talking openly about energy and empath ability and all the things I experience to support others in being okay with experiencing them too. So a blog for empaths is as me as it can get but starting one was not without challenges. My biggest fear when starting this space was worrying that speaking out about energy would make me less employable in the future. I was a obsessed about it because even though I wanted to give this blogging thing a real go, I was realistic in the fact that things don't always work out and that I might have to return to the "corporate" world if I failed. This caused me to keep things SUPER secret for the first six months.
Then I realized: I create my reality and can manifest whatever job I want (including a job that views my opinions as an asset) AND, I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't consider working for a company that didn't allow me to be me anyway, so why was I worried?
This isn't to say be reckless and disregard the very real realities of this world, but it is to say, the fear of being ourselves that's rooted in fear of messing up the future can be confronted with a little research into the law of attraction and the power we have to create what we experience.
2. Remember, if someone doesn't like you at your truest, you don't have to be around them.
I've spent way too much of my life trying to fit into a box to convenience important people in my life. Be it friendships, romantic relationships, the relationship I have with myself. I pushed down parts of me to appear a certain way in fear that if I was my full self I wouldn't be liked by the people in my life. This changed when I realized if someone likes me when I'm not being myself, they don't like ME, they like what I'm presenting to them.
If you can't be yourself around someone, do you really want to be around them? Really think about it. Your ego says yes, your truth says HELL NO. There are over 7 Billion people on this planet, don't hide yourself for those who don't make you feel like you can shine as bright as you can. Be yourself and thank those who leave if you're 'too much' because you know that they were never meant to stay anyway.
3. Be okay with having a comfort zone.
There is a lot to be said about stepping outside your comfort zone, but when you or something about you is different from the norm, knowing your comfort zones and living in them when you feel you need to, is a must.
I share a lot of my life on this platform but I don't share everything and that's a decision I made before I started blogging. Part of that is to differentiate between professional life and personal life (EVERY content creator who shares their life on the Internet has a persona, it's impossible to not have that mental divide) and part of that is because there are some experiences that I'm still not ready to share with the world; I am a very logical person and need "proof" of things before I associate my name and profession with them. Knowing what I am and am not comfortable sharing allows me to show up as authentically as I do, because I know every time I speak that I'm saying something I've already established myself comfortable with.
Authenticity is a spectrum that you'll slide along depending on who you're around and what situation you're in. Sharing different things with different people and allowing part of your personality to shine in different situations does not mean you are being inauthentic, it means you are being authentic about what you do and do not feel comfortable sharing with others.
4. Understand that being abnormal is the only way to create a new normal.
Now that I've been speaking out for a while, I no longer find writing about controversial things to be scary. I just write and if people resonate, great, if they don't, then it's not a message they are meant to resonate with. That said, sometimes when I'm out in my "real life" and say something energy-related I get strange looks, or worse, suggestions I need to admit myself to "3rd floor" (the mental health ward here where I'm from). It happened just the other day; I was talking about Pleadian consciousness (Pleadians are an ET race and Gigi Young is really good at sharing information on them!) and was told to get myself checked. It hurts and it pushed me to show up even more because while ETs aren't my experience, I'm openminded enough to know we don't know ANYTHING and that there are people out there who need conversations about ETs to be accepted to have their experiences validated.
Being the weirdo opening space to talk about these things is the only way for these things to not be so weird, and not having these things be so weird is life changing to so many people. Being abnormal creates a new normal and... though I haven't experienced a true ET connection, I'd be pretty ignorant to believe we were the only ones floating out here in space.
5. Realize things are only controversial because we make them controversial.
One of the reasons I write this blog is to encourage those who come across it to be critical thinkers. This world is made up of systems upon systems and as a social worker I can't help but have awareness for how these systems are designed to keep us small. Understanding energy (and the law of attraction) is an effective way of changing this.
How we understand ourselves and our lives is based on the ideologies that have been seeded into society's institutions (think: Health Care, Mass Media, the School Systems) to leak into our lives and influence what we know ourselves capable of achieving. When we aren't being who we really are (out of fear of being different or controversial) we are playing into the game those wanting to keep us small want us to play. Read Undoing Privilege and you'll see, this life we live of "lack" and "sickness" and "fear" is one that was created to favour a certain few and keep the rest of us reliant.
Though I thought I was going to be a Clinical Therapist, when I graduated as a social worker I refused a career in traditional mental health. My decision was strange (and risky) to a lot of people in my life, but there was no way I could advocate for labels that disempowered some of the most powerful people - intuitives who can see through bullshit. We aren't all sick and I fully believe the most "insane" are actually the most "sane" and that there is so much we can learn from those with "mental illness" when we stop pathologizing the human experience and stop drugging our prophets. My decision was "controversial" but it's really not. It's informed and aware and important for leading a new mental health paradigm.
Things are only controversial if we allow them to be. We stop allowing them to be when we stop and ask why we consider them controversial in the first place. Inform yourself, open that third eye, and see a fear of being different for what it really is: a controlling ideology that needs to be overcome.
6. Don't forget: you only have one life.
Well, you have many, but you have one life in this body and situation you're in. One life to be exactly who you came here to be in this lifetime. Why waste time not being it? When I was hiding my mystical side and feeling like a failure for having it, I didn't want to be here. I actually asked to go many times. When I was trying to follow the path others set out for me, when I was being silent on things that mattered out of fear of being 'too emotional', 'too serious' or 'too crazy', when I was forgoing my needs to meet the needs of other people, life was hard and I wasn't interested in living it. These days I want a long life and ask to stay here as long as possible. I ask for more work. I ask for a greater mission (you can too!) and it's because stepping out authentically feels GOOD. It feels easy. It flows. Life is so much less draining and hard.
Of course there are bumps to get over to get to that state of bliss, and of course it's not blissful every day (hey Sunday) but it's blissful more often than not and the more often than not is what makes choosing to live authentically worth it.
This full moon had me looking back at my old journals to see where I've come as motivation to envision where I can go. As I went through the pages I collected some of the questions I've asked myself over the years to create this 20-question workbook for you. Getting quiet and answering these questions authentically will help you see where you might be holding yourself back. Just let the answers flow and trust what comes up, and if you don't like what comes up, lean in to make a change.