I'm supposed to be in Glastonbury, England but I'm not.
And it feels strange to write that in one simple sentence, because the decision to forgo the trip wasn't easy at all.
It was painful.
And nearly took me out.
Because for days I couldn't decide what I was supposed to do. And even bought three flights because I kept missing them as I went back and forth.
I had signs both ways; signs on why this trip was necessary and signs on why I shouldn't go.
Normally I'm great at decisions.
My passions are guided by Aries, a fire sign, so I change pace quickly and rarely look back and regret what I've done.
I'm also highly intuitive and have deep trust for my intuition and value that clear channel I have to my gut.
But this time was different, because this time I couldn't hear it.
And for a while felt purposefully disconnected.
And that felt awful,
Because I had a huge decision to make and no idea how I was going to make it ~
But I did!
Because in the end I decided not to go.
And incase you too are up against a wall, here are a few tips and insights to help you realign with your intuition and decide YOUR next move.
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Though I was too busy to notice, leading up the trip my body started acting funny. Especially my skin. My face broke out and I got really (really) sick. I didn't want to move. And at times, couldn't. I also didn't want to pack, make plans, call for travel insurance, anything. And to top it all off, chipped a tooth and got a cavity ~ which represent acting out of personal integrity.
My body was talking to me, but I wasn't listening.
I just kept pushing through what it was saying, not wanting to face (skin breaking out) the fact that I wasn't going.
If you're having to face a decision, what might your body be trying to say to you by the way it is acting? Notice its behaviours and become conscious to the symbolism. Our bodies are conscious before we are and can give great clues into our next moves.
HAND ON YOUR HEART
Our heart holds our personal truth, but its wisdom is much softer than that of the Ego. The Ego voice is loud; it's governed by the lower chakras, a Masculine energy that is full of power. That's why we WANT what we want.
The Heart's voice is more graceful and requires we get quiet to tune in. Both Ego and Heart serve a purpose, but the Ego can be influenced by society and the thoughts of other people (a lot of Empaths have power leaks that make this even more true, more on this below) but the Heart is pure.
As I sat deciding if I would get on my final flight I put my hand on my heart and let the shoulds, coulds and what ifs fall away so I could hear, "not yet."
And after that, "September with your Twin."
If you're having to face a decision, are you listening to your Heart or your Ego? Get quiet, no matter how uncomfortable and listen to the whispers. The voice that's quiet and true.
DARK ENERGIES AND CURSES
I don't normally talk about my experiences with the darkness because I am much more comfortable in the light, but anyone on this journey knows we live in a world of BOTH; an energy that wants to uplift us and an energy that wants to keep us stuck.
Especially if you're here on mission and were made for gamechanging work.
One of the ways the dark gets to us is by making us confused and one of the ways that helped me see through the fog was working with a Healer to clear away the ways I had been cursed.
I hope to write about this more in the future, but for now, my friend Cristina specializes in this work.
From birth to death we are programmed to feel unworthy. Through the media, school systems, even health care. There is so much out there designed to keep us from knowing our true worth. So when things start to work out for us, our subconscious freaks out.
I teach this in the Empowered Empath Journaling Course and in my upcoming group coaching program for Empaths in Business, but the just of it is that our subconscious has a limit on the good it feels worthy of experiencing, and when we reach that point will lead us to self sabotage ourselves in sneaky ways.
This is why it is important to know your Chiron (the part of you most wounded ~ this is covered in depth in the EE Journaling Course ~ mine is in Leo so I used to sabotage myself a lot when it came to my creative work) and pay attention to what's going on in your life as you face indecision.
For example, this year has been huge for me in so many ways. I took my power back and started manifesting all kinds of things and this trip was planned as celebration.
So when I started to feel off leading up to it I had to get really real about whether or not I was self sabotaging.
Especially where the day I was meant to take off was my highest earning day ~ earning more money in one day passively ("in my sleep") than I ever did previously.
Did I deserve all the good that was happening? Especially when it felt too easy? These are the questions I had to ask myself before acting.
If you're having to face a decision, ask yourself if your indecision is just a side effect of things working out perfectly. This is called upper limiting.
A LEAKY GUT
Another reason for indecision, especially in Empaths is a weak Solar Plexus; the chakra located just above the belly button that governs worth and our will to act. It's our 'Ego Self' and is our direct guidance in this lifetime because it tells us what is and is not ours ~ that gut feeling.
Thing is, the Solar Plexus is also where we take on everyone else's emotions as feeling beings. So it can get confused on what's ours and what isn't if we don't work to nurture it.
One of my favourite ways to tune into my Solar Plexus and my truth is by making a feels good/feels bad list to activate my inner resonance detector. I teach this process throughout my workshops including this one on Manifesting as an Empath and this free course on the Empath Chakra System.
If you're having to face a decision, breathe deeply into your Solar Plexus and breathe out any external emotions you may be carrying. This will make you a clearer channel to hear what YOUR soul is saying.
Big decisions usually happen under pressure ~ be that in time, energy or something else that makes us feel chaotic. And reality is, no good decisions come from a place of chaos.
My Dad taught me this many years ago, but before you do anything life changing it's important to have a real meal, have a good sleep and be in a state of peace. Which is why after I un-boarded my first flight I booked myself into a hotel to sleep before deciding anything more.
I also made sure to eat a good meal and use my grounding blend.
Because a decision made from depletion would have been depleting; a decision made from a steady space would be much more likely to be authentic to my inner being.
If you're having to face a decision, first ground your energy. Write a list of pros and cons, walk barefoot on the grass, eat something nourishing, have a deserved nap. This will help your mind, body and spirit to decide from a grounded place ~ and ensure you aren't making decisions from an energy of chaos.
THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG CHOICE
Something I have witnessed again and again is that things always work out. We have entire teams working with us both here on the Earth plane and in the non-physical.
After I made the decision not to go to Glastonbury one of the girls I was supposed to meet messaged me to tell me that her and the other three who were gathering realized they were Air, Earth, Water and Fire. And as she told me I saw all four of them around a cauldron many years ago.
It was validation that my role wasn't to be there, it was to gather them together like they had been many lifetimes ago, because in this life I (the diary) was the channel for them to meet eachother.
We never know why we are guided to do the things we are guided to do, but things always, always, always work out the way they are meant to. If I had gone I would have been a second Earth sign, and Glastonbury is the land of the elements (magic) and that wouldn't have made sense. I was drawn to that trip because I was responsible for the planning and a bit of money.
My soul's trip home to Glastonbury will happen when it's meant to. When the timing is right and the people involved are ready.
If you're struggling with a decision remember it's impossible to get off track. We have guides that will reroute us, always. They are like a GPS; they can see what's ahead of us and have the job of guiding us through this lifetime. Even if at times, that's backwards. Trust this. It's okay to make mistakes and rework things, because there are no mistakes.
Things are always happening as they are meant to ~
All in all, I'm happy with the decision I made. That's not to say it was easy; I did a lot of grieving. I wrote a lot of poetry. I sat in shock for a while rethinking things.
But the decision is made and I'm excited to go forward with full knowing it was the right decision for me, regardless of what others might say or think.
Deciding to go or stay, fight or give up, act or not is part of what makes this experience beautiful. It forces us to trust ourselves and gives us reason to reconnect with our guidance if we've been shutting it out in fear of its wisdom ~
With love, with love, with love, always,