Q & A
I get a lot of similar questions through my site so I started a Q & A page to make my answers more widely available. I will never use your name or any identifying details and if I feel something is too personal I will generalize it for this page. Have a question you don't see answered? You can ask away in the form below.
Is being an empath sometimes really hard when it comes to your work? As a social worker you must see a lot of pain and suffering and I wonder how you react/protect yourself from it? Hate and anger are two feelings that are more than present in this world today. I'm sorry if this question is being too nosy.
Not being nosy :) I'm an open book when I know it brings healing.
I do get overwhelmed and drained and it's sometimes hard to explain to my boss and organization. I can't get a doctor's note or anything like that to explain what's going on, you know? I no longer work one-on-one with clients (outside of this blog's mentorship) but I do work with communities that are experiencing pain and it's really draining on me. Sometimes just walking into a space where trauma took place throws me completely off kilter. So, even if nothing "major" happens, I'm still fully depleted at the end of the day. World events affect me the most, but more so in the days leading up to them when I feel there is going to be world pain. On those days I try to work from home where I don't have to take on anything more.
As for protecting myself, I often clear, ground and shield. I also surround myself with people who "get it" who are also empaths and can take some of the heaviness off my shoulders when I need it.
I'm really struggling to think positively and I worry that's affecting my chances with the law of attraction as I know I'm suppose to remain happy. Any tips?
Hi, yes! First, read this article, as it's not about always being happy. It's about being authentic and then choosing the higher vibrational thought (i.e., a happy thought) when you can.
Two things that helped me the most with reframing my thoughts was to realize:
a. Things happen FOR you, not TO you. Good and bad things happen so you can grow. Seeing the opportunity for growth in difficult things changes everything.
b. Rejection is protection. What is meant for you will not go past you. If you don't get something you want, it means something better is coming! Always.
The world feels really heavy. I make progress and then it feels like I make no progress at all. I've lost hope and I'm scared, but I found your blog and felt there might be hope. Did you ever feel so overwhelmed you just couldn't handle things anymore?
First, you're not alone. Four years ago I felt the same way; I was in a relationship that stressed me out, in a program I wasn't passionate about, and all around feeling like the world was too heavy on my body and mind. But I'm glad I kept going because today I am in awe with life and can't help but have immense gratitude for all the amazing things that surround me. I fought through tough times to get here, though. I had to force myself outside for walks even when I wanted to stay wrapped up in my duvet. I had to let go and grieve relationships and friendships that weren't healthy for me. I had to learn to be okay with not being okay... and learn to talk about how not okay I really was with the people who loved me. And then when I finally started to feel free from all the pain, I had to be OK with taking 10 steps back and feeling like I had made no progress.
Because healing isn't linear. It comes in waves.
Something we don't normally talk about when it comes to healing and change is that once we pick up momentum, things get easier. Think about it: when we go to the gym/exercise three days in a row, it's easier to go the fourth, fifth and sixth... and then when we stop for a day or two it's near impossible to get going again. This is because we've stopped the momentum. What is one thing that brings you a bit of joy? I challenge you to make it a consistent part of your every day. This will help you pick up positive momentum... which will help you attract more positive things. Only then will the true magic start. Stay with us and keep going. x
I'm friends with a lot of people who bring me down because I'm so sensitive. Any tips for leaving a relationship with a bad person? How do I know when it's time?
First, there are no "bad people" - hurt people hurt people, though, and because sensitive people care so much about people and can see potential in people and relationships we do tend to stick around in unhealthy situations. When it comes to removing yourself from toxic situations/relationships, you need to get honest with yourself about why you're still kicking around/settling. This is not to victim blame, but the reality is: we all have freewill. Unless we are being held against our will, we have a choice and when it comes to being in negative situations we get to choose to stay or leave. I encourage you to spend some time journalling about why you are around the people you choose to be around, usually it's because of a fear of not finding something better or worrying about change in general.
If you're not sure if you should let someone/something go, verbally ask for a sign. I receive the majority of my signs clairvoyantly; I see a series of repeating numbers, read the same advice over and over, or have someone send me a relevant quote. Not everyone's intuition comes through this way though... you might feel it (clairsentient) or think it (claircognizant) or even hear songs or audio signs (clairaudience) that it's time to move on.
I don't like to be angry because I was taught feeling negative emotions puts negative energy out into the world? I don't want to do that, I want to share positive energy with myself and others. I think that's why I'm afraid to feel those emotions.
Don't worry about putting a bit of negative energy into the world, there are a lot of us ready to catch it and transmute it. Mother Earth does that too. The pain of the world is not yours to carry. And... if you don't release it, it stays in your body and causes so many health problems.
Release, release, release. :)
I'm a science person so my brain sometimes struggles with concepts like the Law of Attraction. I want to believe in it and I am trying to practice it, but there is still a seed of doubt that maybe I'm just a fool.
I totally get being a skeptical logical, analytical type. I was too! I wrote a post about that, how I started out in the sciences but eventually found my way to the arts when I started opening up to my creative right brain. I promise you aren't a fool, haha, but I've had those beliefs too. Energy is very real, but we have to be critical thinkers to see past the socially constructed ideas that have taught us to believe differently. As a left brain you probably favour 'proof' so I encourage you to ask yourself 'what is proof?' because in our Western world it's just ideas that were supported by powerful people who had the money to invest in research. There is a reason energy and energy laws aren't studied but I'll let you find your way down that rabbit hole when it's time.
I want to love myself like you love yourself but I have so many flaws. How do I even start?
I sent this text to my best friend the other day:
"I've been feeling like shit and feel like I can't do what I came here to do. I feel like I'm just not good enough, smart enough, educated enough, old enough, extroverted enough, pretty enough, anything enough."
So I have bad days too. Not as often as they use to be... but they creep up and overwhelm me once in a while. I could tell you to just "love yourself" but that's over used... and just not practical. Especially when you feel like shit. So instead I'll encourage you to get honest with yourself about the things you don't like so you challenge them with a REFRAME. I am really young to be a social worker/mentor (I just turned 25) and that could be a negative thing, but I've lived many lives and the people I want to work with feel that immediately upon coming across my work. Not being "old enough" protects me from the type of people - people who limit wisdom to age - that I don't want to work with. Same with how I look - I love Gigi Hadid and my sister doesn't. Gigi Hadid is a SUPER MODEL and my sister doesn't like her. We aren't for everyone and we aren't supposed to be. The way I look won't be "pretty enough" for some people, but it will be absolutely gorgeous to the right someone. Also, though I love Gigi Hadid, if I was "as beautiful" as her I'd be a model and not a social worker and that's not a life I'd want to live. Also, also, I'd rather have a kind heart than a pretty face because that protects me from people who are superficial. I need depth and wouldn't want to be with someone who liked me for the way I looked.
Reframe, reframe, reframe. Always. You are exactly who you are for a reason and all the things you don't like about yourself (yet) can be reframed to be positive at any moment.
I read your post about empaths and how you know you are one. I feel a really strong resonance to the label, but how do I make sure what I feel is real and pure and not driven by ego or some inner need for significance?
I TOTALLY get the desire to know you on are on the real and pure path and not a path driven by ego or a need significance. I panic almost every day (some days are particularly rough) because I hate the idea of becoming a 'spokesperson for empaths' - accepting I am an empath and feeling confident in my intuitive abilities takes work. I'd love to hide away and live a private life but for some reason I am pushed to show up each and every day to this blog. I checked in with two intuitives who validate that I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing and while I wish I could push this all away, I know I signed up for this somewhere along the way and need to show up. Especially when it's hard. Our life purposes aren't supposed to be easy, they are supposed to help us grow.
No one will ever know anything for sure - this world is way too magical for that - so all I can suggest is to be okay with not knowing everything about the universe. We need to show up regardless of not knowing; the more we show up for what shows up for us, the more we are shown. If empath resonates, lean in. : )
I will be beginning my social work degree and, although I know it is my path, I am worried that working with certain clients will be draining as I will feel their emotions too deeply. Can you suggest coping mechanisms or other ways I can contribute as a social worker without that relationship?
Congratulations on your social work acceptance! Regardless if you work in traditional social work or go your own creative way, working with clients will be draining - social workers meet people at their most vulnerable moments and there is often a lot of pain and anger in your interactions. You'll take a lot of stuff home and when you need most to practice self-care, you won't have the energy to. That doesn't mean it's not worth it. The profession is admirable and though many fall through the cracks, you will be part of the healing journey of every life you touch. My best advice is to put out the call for like-minded friends, especially friends who are grounded and able to support you when you can't support yourself. Cause you WILL have those days when you can't support yourself. As for being a social worker without the social worker-client relationship, social work is all about normalizing human pain, creating safe spaces for people to be themselves and referring people to the best resources for their situations. This can be done in many ways and I encourage you to think outside the box when you graduate if you know traditional work isn't for you.
I also encourage you to read this post. It takes you through my step-by-step process for clearing, grounding and shielding my energy.
How can I manifest a good relationship? I have been trying so hard on this one but it has not worked so far?
Hi! When we are trying too hard to make something happen, it's a sure sign we need to take a step back. So my first bit of advice is to take that step back. Make a list of three things you love to do that have nothing to do with a partner and when wanting a partner pops into your heart and/or mind, force yourself to go do one of those three things. Then, when you get good at doing this, ask yourself what you mean by a good relationship. Are you looking for a life partner to settle down with? Or maybe someone more casual who is supportive of your current dreams? Get really clear on what defines someone as 'good' and even clearer on what you mean by a 'good relationship.' Once you do that, start thanking the non-physical for the type of experience you've asked for, and start tackling your limiting beliefs as they show up as fears or people - when we ask for something the non-physical will send us all sorts of things for us to move through the limiting beliefs we have about what we are wanting to call in. If we have a lot of limiting beliefs we are going to call in a lot of beautiful souls to help us move through them. People are our mirrors and every 'wrong' person we date (or get rejected by) on our journey to the right person brings up a limiting belief in us. Instead of seeing a wrong person as failure, thank them and reflect on what they brought up in you so you can move through it.
If you want to dig further into this, I'd love to work with you!